Heartbreak Series
by soo
Summary: Duncan/Methos Slash.
1. Can We just Be Friends?

Can We Just Be Friends  
By soo  
  
Rating: R  
  
Summary: The title really says it all without giving the whole plot away.   
  
Special thanks go to 'tilla, who encouraged me to take my depressed ramblings and make   
it into a story, to Ellen, who took those ramblings and helped me make real sentences out   
of them and Chris who came up with the title.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
What do you do when your best friend, your life companion, your lover, leaves you?   
How do you cope when the person that you always thought would be there suddenly isn't   
it? Maybe it was egotistical of me to think that he would always be here. I thought who I   
was, what I was, and the relationship we had would be enough to keep him with me.   
Obviously, it wasn't.   
  
Today started out like any other normal day. At least, I thought it was normal. I look back   
now and realize that my love had been distancing himself from me. Actually, he had been   
distancing himself from me for quite some time, but I had put it down to nervousness   
about his new job. I should have known it wasn't that. He's never been nervous about   
something as simple as a job.   
  
So, when he came home tonight and said that he wanted to go out, I thought he wanted to   
celebrate. Instead he told me over dinner that he wants to go back to being friends.   
  
Friends. That's a laugh. I don't think we have ever been just friends. From the first   
moment we met, there was never a doubt in my mind that sooner or later we would   
become lovers. Preferably sooner, if I had my wish.   
  
And that first night was grand. It was magical. I look back at it, and I can't remember   
who succumbed to whom. All I remember is that we were kicked back, relaxing.   
Drinking a little beer and talking. The next thing I know, I'm on my back, and he was on   
top of me taking my breath away. Since that night we've been inseparable, and now he   
tells me he has found someone else.  
  
How do you go on, knowing that somewhere out there, he is with somebody else? That   
the relationship that the two of you had was not enough for him. That no matter what you   
did, it wasn't enough, no matter how hard you tried, there was something always lacking.   
That you couldn't fulfill him? And what does that say about me? I was fulfilled.  
  
Fulfilled. It doesn't even come close to the way he makes me feel. He fills a part of me   
that I didn't even know was empty. A part that nobody has ever touched before. And he   
does it with out even knowing, or even trying. That is what really amazes me. He can   
affect me so much, make everything brighter with just his presence. For crying out loud,   
he makes the world a brighter place to live. A place where I want to get up in the   
morning.   
  
How do you get up in the morning knowing that only if you are lucky will you get to see   
him? That for the first time in a long time, you have to plan to see him? That he won't be   
there when you wake up. That everything that you took for granted is just not there   
anymore. It's the little things that you don't even usually notice that will hurt the most.   
The way he used to say your name. The way, each morning, he would give you a gentle   
kiss before you left for work. The intoxicating way he smelled.   
  
The way he smelled. It's indescribable, really. Part of it is soap, but mostly it's just him -   
the pure essence of him, the smell that became a comfort to me. A comfort in the night   
when I woke up unexpectedly, when I didn't know where I was, or even who I was. That   
incredible smell that made the nights that much easier. Made it so that I was no longer   
afraid to turn off the light.   
  
How do you turn the light off at night and go to bed when you haven't seen him that day?   
Is going to bed admitting defeat? Defeat in the likelihood that you'll see him? Or is it a   
defeat within you? A defeat because you couldn't go a day without thinking of him,   
wanting to be near him so much so that you want to hate yourself.  
  
How do you deal with the hate? I don't hate him. No. Never him; I don't think I could   
ever hate him. I hate myself. I hate myself for not being enough for him and for not   
recognizing his needs. How could I be so blind? The hate inside of me is growing, and   
I'm afraid that it will soon overpower me. That the darkness will return. I can't let that   
happen. So, I have to let him go, but it is so hard. Because even through all the hate, I   
still love him. My beloved. My Highlander. 


	2. For Love of an Angelic Face

For Love of an Angelic Face.  
  
By soo  
  
* * * * *  
  
I open my eyes and try to focus on the alarm clock. Four a.m. Early. Very early. I turn to snuggle back under the covers, and I catch sight of my lover. Every once in a while it floors me when I look at him. I don't know if it's the light, and the way that it plays on his face, or his expression, or what, but the realization comes crashing down just how sexy he is.  
  
Actually, sexy isn't the word for it, either. Gorgeous, maybe. Drop dead gorgeous in some cases. And today? Well, today he looks almost...  
  
Angelic.  
  
Ha! If he ever heard me call him that I would be knocked flat on my rear in no time flat. It's the truth, though. Maybe it's the way that stray lock of hair falls over his eyes, the slight smile, and the way the sun shows off the planes and angles of his face that create that angelic affect. Or maybe it's just the way his face relaxes in repose. I'm not really sure.  
  
My hand moves unconsciously up to brush that stray lock out of his eyes. Just before I do, though, I hesitate. I don't want to disturb him and lose that angelic face.  
  
Lose that angelic face. My thoughts turn abruptly when I realize that today is the day. I will not get to see that angelic face lying next to me in bed again after tonight. At least, not for a while.  
  
Several days ago I noticed something. Something that I should have noticed a long time ago. It was a simple look that passed between my lover and our best friend. A wistful look. A look of exquisite tenderness. A look of…love.  
  
I was shocked, to say the least. It had never dawned on me that there might be something more than friendship between the two of them. But it was there. Once I started to look more closely, I saw it in every action between the two.  
  
After the shock, and seeing the two of them together, I began to think. I love him with all my heart and soul, and I know that he loves me too, but… I also know that sooner or later there would be a niggling regret.  
  
A regret that would start small, but once the 'what if' scenarios began to formulate in his head, it would grow larger and larger -- eventually becoming large enough to destroy us. I cannot let that happen. I love him too much, and I care too deeply for our friend to let that happen.  
  
So I began to devise a plan, a manipulation, if you will. Nothing grand, really. A simple plan that I could easily put into motion in a matter of days. I called up a long time friend and asked for a favour. It took some encouraging…a bribe, really, to get her to go along with my idea. But in the end, she decided to help me out. She flies in today.  
  
And tonight. Tonight, my deception begins.  
  
Until then, though, I have one more morning. One more morning to spend with my arms wrapped around him. One more morning to cuddle him like he deserves. One last chance to make slow, passionate love to him. I lay down and envelop him in my embrace. I move the stray lock of hair out of his eyes and gently kiss him on the forehead.  
  
He awakens. He smiles that sweet smile of his, and my heart breaks. Slowly and reverently, I make love to him. Praying with each touch and each kiss that some day that he will forgive me for telling him that we should just be friends, at least for now. 


	3. A Devious Plan

Amanda –take two.  
  
Amanda flopped on the bed and heaved a huge sigh. Helping a drunken, nearly unconscious Duncan from the elevator to the bed was not an easy task. She stretched her arms, trying to work the kinks out of them, and mistakenly hit Duncan squarely in the chest. The only reaction that received was a louder snore. She sighed heavily again.  
  
She was beginning to regret ever going along with Duncan's little plan. Actually, beginning to regret wasn't exactly the phrase for it. She did regret it. Ever since the night that Duncan told Methos that he wanted to go back to just being friends, he had been acting…odd. More than odd, really. He was acting like a lout. And a drunk.  
  
A drunk that had spilled a half-full bottle of scotch on himself and her when he passed out. Eau de Scotch was not her favourite cologne. She shimmied out of her dress and threw it on the floor. She rolled onto her side to look at her best friend. He was a mess, his white shirt was stained a delightful brown, and his pants looked like he had slept in them.  
  
Straddling him, she began to unbutton his shirt. She pulled him into a sitting position rather forcibly and watched in slightly malicious glee as his head rolled back and forth. With a bit of maneuvering, she yanked the shirt off, threw it to the side, and then released him. Duncan flopped back down, his head narrowly missing becoming one with the headboard.  
  
She looked down at him, still blissfully snoring away. //Why am I doing this? He got himself into this mess.// She rose and began to pile her belongings on the bed. Reaching underneath, she pulled out her suitcase and the box that her latest trinket had come in. She snapped open the suitcase, threw in her clothes, and delicately put the jewelry box in. Just as she was about to close the case, she hesitated. //Okay, so he didn't get into this mess all by himself. Without my help, he probably wouldn't have pulled it off so successfully. And he definitely wouldn't have lasted this long with the charade.//  
  
She began to pace the length of the loft. //So, what am I going to do? Things obviously can't continue on this way.// Duncan was getting unbearable, and Methos…he had become a hermit. //Neither one of them is thinking straight, so that leaves me and…//  
  
Joe.  
  
And according to Duncan, Joe might not be thinking straight either. According to Duncan…  
  
Amanda stopped in mid pace. Screw these 'what if' scenarios and assumptions. Duncan should have just point blank asked the two of them what their feelings toward each other were. Still should, really.  
  
She looked over at the sleeping Duncan. //He's not in any shape to do it. Besides, he's already made up his mind, and he can be so mule-headed at times like these. //  
  
She began to pace again.  
  
//Tomorrow, I'll call Joe and get him to drag Methos out of his apartment.//  
  
//Then the four of us will meet up accidentally somewhere.//  
  
//Some place neutral.//  
  
//Some place where there won't be a whole lot of spectators.//  
  
//And once we get past the sarcastic remarks and they wake up from their gunshot wounds…//  
  
Amanda doubled over and laughed hysterically. She could just imagine the looks of shock on their faces when she pulled out a gun. But it might make them see reason. Or at the very least give her time to hog-tie them so that they have to listen to her and each other.  
  
She yawned and stretched. Her mind made up to a course of action, she began to feel the effects of lack of sleep. She crawled back into bed, firmly pushing Duncan to his side of the bed, and promptly fell asleep. 


End file.
